I have been super frustrated with myself lately.... feeling like I can only focus on ONE thing at a time... my normally 'multi-tasked' mind seemed absolutely unable to function 'normally'.
This year I have taken on more projects, more speaking engagements, more coaching clients, more commitments with the kids, booked more vacations... basically, just doing more of everything. Normally I am able to focus on a few big ticket items at the same time, spreading my mind space between them all equally and simultaneously. In the past this has felt good, like I was getting it all done at the same time... master multi-tasker over here!
...and I have always felt nervous about all that I have commit to
...and I have had anxiety too frequently
...and I have felt like I still wasn't getting to it 'all'
Recently my mind seems stuck on ONE thing at a time.... and this felt different, ineffective and plain BAD. I was expressing my frustration surrounding this to my therapist and I had a major break-through.... one of those Ah-Ha moments that you never forget.....
(back story) So, I have had THREE speaking engagements already this year and I was telling him how it has been so annoying that I had to see the completion of ONE before I could start working on the next. I wanted to start planning and prepping for the next speech NOW... but it was like my mind and body just absolutely could NOT handle this. So, I just started to go with this NEW flow. A flow of focusing on ONE major project at a time... and this happened organically.
...I would give all of my attention to this ONE commitment
...I would see this commitment through to ultimate completion
...I would take a day or two to analyze how I had done
...I would THEN and only THEN start working on my next project
The reason that this new flow felt so different is because I have NEVER ever worked this way, it was entirely NEW.
Now, don't get me wrong...I still handle a ton of commitments during the day to day..... I am talking specifically about Big Ticket Projects.
So, last week, I was sitting with my therapist who asked...' Okay, I think I understand that. How do you FEEL?'
How did I feel? I sat back in the super cush couch and actually thought about it.
How did I FEEL to focus, really focus, on ONE thing?
How did I FEEL to give one project my total ALL?
How did I FEEL to trust that I would get to the next project in time?
How did I FEEL to be PRESENT?
I answered, "I feel good. Like, really good. I feel calm and less overwhelmed. I haven't had anxiety. I feel focused".
I realized then, that I have been more focused and present in ALL areas of my life....If being present means less stress and anxiety then I am ALL IN!! (Ah-Ha Moment!!)
Maybe this is what Jim Elliott meant when he said, "Wherever You Are Be All There".....
No longer will I allow myself to feel guilty or frustrated when I focus on one thing at a time....I will be present and enjoy the Here and Now.
XO,
Mari
