My Love for Motorcycles

I am literally writing this post riding behind the hubs, going 70 mph down I-82, on a Harley Ultra Classic, heading for home. We just spend an amazing weekend in Prosser, WA wine tasting and laughing with friends. 

Tom and I don't own a bike, we rent whenever the opportunity arises to take a kick ass trip with friends. We are basically step-brothers and sisters to the Biker Community.....and we are always made to feel welcome. 

I love lots of things about riding with Tom on a bike and I must say the the Community aspect is hands down my favorite. 

💥 When bikers pass each other on the road they always give the secret biker wave. (I think moms should hav a super secret wave, like I feel ya sister) 

💥 At any pit stop along the trip bikers always park next to each other. The pack seems to like to stick together. 

💥 Conversation is easily struck up between strangers....its legit the easiest way into any dialog. 

Other Harley Favorites of Mine:

💕 The smells...riding outside you smell everything. The fresh cut hay, the alfalfa growing, the dairy farms, the quiet lake, the fresh pavement.....even the nasty skunks. There is just something about smelling the scenary as well as seeing it. 

💕 The temperature changes.....you can feel the weather change from warm to cool on your exposed cheeks. Riding in the sun has a distinctly different feel than riding through the shade of the trees. There is something free about noticing the little weather changes. 

💕 The scenary......noticing the little things.  Butterflies playing, birds dancing, rainbows made by the field sprinkles, all the things we don't notice in a car. 

💕 Riding so close to Tom.....hours sitting together experiencing this moment together. 

XO, 

Mari

...are you even LISTENING?

Why do we ask questions?

.....Do we ask them to hear the response

     ...........actually HEAR what the other person is saying

-OR-

Do we ask them for more selfish reasons?

.....Do we ask them to RESPOND?

     ..........to just get our own words in

.....Do we ask them out of general habit?

     .........without really caring what the answer is

While on vacation in Saint Martin a few weeks ago this idea of questions surfaced for me. During our last day in paradise Tom and I relaxed, chatted, read and soaked up the sun. We were living up the bliss for the last precious moments that we had.... and then....

A super nice family came and sat next to us. These people had JUST arrived and were excited to being their time in Saint Martin. The husband was especially friendly and chatty, he didn't quite get the memo that we were quietly enjoying our last day. He started asking questions..... and wasn't even listening to our responses before chiming into the conversation with his opinion or story.

"How long have you been here?

......This is our last day, we got here on

     ..........Oh man, your last day. We are here for 10 days and plan to do....... blah blah blah."

"What do you do for a living?"

.......I am a pilot and fly for

     .........Cool, we just arrived and let me tell you about my flight and the entire journey to get here.... blah blah blah."

"Where are you guys from?"

......We live in Washington State just north of

     ...........Oh wow, we are from the Midwest. We are seriously excited for this change of weather and..... blah blah blah"

You get the idea. This guys was NOT asking questions to make conversation or actually HEAR what we were saying. He was asking questions ONLY so that he could respond. It was beyond frustrating and eventually Tom and I just got up and moved.

Asking questions out of habit or to get a rhetorical response or just to reply is something that happens ALL the time.....I know that I am guilty. AND I am always working to ask better questions, as a coach it is my job!

How can we become better Question Askers?

• Slow down.
• Listen without conjuring up a response in your mind.
• Count to 5 before responding.
• Ask a follow up/clarifying questions before responding.
• Repeat the answer that was given. "I heard you say (XYZ). Did I hear you right?"
• Be aware when you start to zone out, saying things like, "Sorry, what did you just say?"
• Be specific: "What was the coolest thing that happened at school? Vs. How was school today?

We are all human... so when we slip, when we zone out, when we respond too quickly just apologize and move on. We are a work in progress....

XO,

Mari

Life by Design

I created a 6 week super quick crash course to help my clients create a life that they LOVE.

....a life on purpose

....a life by choice

....a life of growth

....a life to be proud of

....a life by Design

....and here is the WHY behind my passion for this course:

Ten years ago I was not living my life by design. I was living my life by default....a life where I did what I though I was 'supposed' to do, a life where I did what was expected of a young mama. I went through the motions. I checked the boxes. I was living my life for everyone except for myself. My energy and zest for life was slowly seeping through my pores.

Nine years ago I started my first business. I always knew that becoming an entrepreneur was my destiny.... so I opened my State Farm Insurance Agency. I was proud. Each month I sold more. I was a 'success'. I was paraded around to help others sell more and realize my success. I loved talking to other agents and helping them...... and still there were parts of the business that drained me, parts that were not in line with my purpose.

I realized that coaching my team to become the best version of themselves was what fueled me. I realized that conversation and connection filled my soul. So I stepped back from the areas of the business that did not fill me up, I delegated them, I outsourced, I paid others to do these tasks..... this way I could focus on my Life and Business by Design.

At the time I didn't realized what I was doing....I was just trimming away the tasks and areas of my life that I didn't fully enjoy.

.... instead I was focusing on the adding more tasks and spending more time in the areas of my life that gave me joy.

This felt like a 100lbs weight being lifted off my shoulders. Until then I did not realize that I actually had a choice in the direction my life took. I did not fully embrace that I could design my own life and not live in default.

So I took a deep hard look at the areas that I LOVED in my insurance agency.

• I love meaningful conversation.
• I love growth and inspiring others.
• I love relationships.

....I got clear on my purpose

"To break down walls and build up trust so that WE can live the life of our dreams."

I realized that I could still have my insurance agency while growing a second business..... my coaching practice.

Now I split my time, by design, between the two. I bring my strengths to both. I am fulfilled. I am in control of my life and decisions. I am free.

XO,

Mari

Do More of What You Love

In yoga this morning the instructor encouraged us to do more of what we love

....what fuels our soul

     ....what makes us happy

          ....what is in line with our purpose

               ....what lights us up and fills our heart

I love doing more of what I love and I love encouraging my clients to do the same.

I love meaningful conversation.

     ....date night convos with the hubs.

     ....deep, intimate discussions with friends.

     ....best and worst conversations with the kids.

     ....dissecting our dreams with Xavier.

I love growth.

     ....a good self-help book.

     ....an hour of coaching with Elise.

     ....practicing meditation.

     ....studying a team building course.

     ....a good podcast.

I love moving my body.

     ....a good slow trot (run).

     ....an hour of slow purposeful yoga.

     ....a group step class.

     ....a leisurely walk around the block with Ea.

I love sports.

     ....watching Ea during soccer (when the weather is nice).

     ....getting overly excited during Aiden's basketball games.

     ....screaming like a wild mamma bear while X attempts soccer.

     ....coaching Ea's basketball games.

     ....cheering on my Zags during March Madness.

     ....good seats at a Seahawks game.

I love coaching.

     ....being coached one on one.

     ....coaching my individual clients.

     ....group coaching sessions.

     ....using my coaching skills with my team.

I love down time.

     ....a good pleasure read.

     ....an Epsom salt bath.

     ....a good afternoon snooze.

     ....a glass of wine and a Walking Dead episode.

     ....journal time.

I love Happy Hour.

     ....that's it, just a good happy hour :)

Do more of what you Love....a little bit every day.

XO,

Mari 

21 Journal Writing Promps

So many of my clients tell me that they HATE to journal.

I can hear the absolute loathing in their voices.

It makes me curious because my journal is my safe place.

.....The place where I just get to BE.

.....The place that holds no judgment.

.....The place that holds my tears and most happy moments.

If journaling is something that you have always wanted to do I am here to help. I have 21 journal writing prompts for you!

(quick tips)

......Hold no judgment

......Challenge yourself

......Get Creative

and

......Have FUN

1. 21 Things that you are grateful for?

2. Write everything you can about your DREAM vacation.

3. What did you want to be when you grew up, why?

4. Write about the current weather and how it is affecting your mood.

5. Who is your biggest mentor or role model? Why?

6. What was your first childhood memory?

7. How do you get inspired?

8. Write about the last time you got your feelings hurt?

9. If you could date a famous person who would it be and why?

10. What is your favorite Disney movie? Why?

11. If you won a huge lottery jackpot what would you do first?

12. What are 20 of your greatest attributes?

13. What are you afraid of and why?

14. What is your favorite book, why?

15. If you no longer had to work for an income what would you do with all your time?

16. What is your biggest pet peeve?

17. What is your nightly routine?

18. What is your morning routine?

19. What is the favorite place you have ever visited?

20. What are 3 Random Acts of Kindness you could do today?

21. What was your BEST and WORST moments from yesterday?

XO,

Mari

Just Be

I love a good analogy.

I also love finding 'meaning' in small day to day experiences.

.....often, this removes me from the moment

......this causes me to be less present

     .....and I am working on that

Last Sunday Tom and I took Ea to lunch and a movie. It was a beautiful bright spring-ish day....but as we know in the PNW that can and does change on a dime. On the way there a storm cell came threw the valley. This one was packing a punch. Out of, literally, the clear blue sky the storm rolled in. The wind picked up, it started raining, then sleeting, then snowing. The wind was so strong that it looked as if it was snowing sideways across the hood of the car.

We were crawling down the road laughing and remarking on this wicked weather change when we came upon two people walking on the side of the road. The had their hoods pulled up, their backs were rounded over protecting them from the weather, they were fighting with the storm and the storm was winning.

The three of us quickly decide to offer them a ride home. As I roll down the passenger side window the snow barrels into the car. I have to shield my eyes as we talk to the walkers. Tom offers a ride and they quickly accept and hop in.

Side note - this is one of many reasons to keep your car tidy and clean.

This is the type of story that I love to find that analogy or the hidden meaning.

.....and I am learning that it is also okay to just let a story be what the story is

.....I am learning that there doesn't have to be a hidden meaning behind everything

.....I am realizing that I may get more out of the stories of my life if I just let them be

Just Be.

XO,

Mari

Traditions and Big Scoop

I took Xavier and Ea to the pediatric dentist today. The best thing about taking the kids to an actual kid dentist are the distractions. TVs on the ceiling, PlayStation Games available and the anticipation of the Treasure Chest toys if they are good.

The kids are good, they get their 'treasures' and we are off....

We head straight to Big Scoop, the local ice cream parlor that has been an icon of the Valley for as long as I have been alive. Big Scoop holds traditions and secrets and memories in it's deep booths and red and white tile floor and menu that hasn't changed for decades.

When I was in Eighth Grade my entire andvery small class would meet at Cinema Five to watch the latest flick. I remember screaming out loud and grabbing my best friends' hand during Jurassic Park. I can still smell the super buttery popcorn that I accidentally kicked over while watching Cool Running with my first boyfriend. I was mortified!

After each movie we would all walk the half mile from the cinema to Big Scoop. We were young and carefree and Big Scoop was the place to go.

We would cram 10 of us into a booth suitable for 5. We would share bites of ice cream and sips of milkshakes. We would laugh and laugh and laugh.

This is one of my favorite memories of grade school.

About six years ago, when Ea was 4, we took the family to Big Scoop. Again, all five of us were crammed into a small, red, super comfy booth laughing and loving each other. Ea went to the bathroom and after a few minutes I went to check on her. I could hear her crying and pounding the wooden door from the inside... she could not figure out the lock and was trapped.

I, of course, freak out.... Tom, of course, remained calm. The cook comes out with a screw driver and figures out how to get the door handle off, this doesn't help and we still can't get in and Ea can't get out. I am talking to Ea through the small hole where the handle used to be telling her to stay calm and that everything was going to be okay. I am telling her this... but am really talking to myself. Trying to calm myself.

The cook quickly dismantles the hinges and the entire door comes down.... we have Ea back. We are back together. We are Safe.

We can laugh about this now....

Memories, memories, memories.

After the dentist this afternoon we head straight to Big Scoop. This is a tradition that has been passed down from my mother. As a little girl my mom would religiously take my sister and I to get milkshakes and French fries after going to the dentist. This was our reward... this was our 'treasure box'.

I remember mom telling us to chew the fries on the back teeth.....not disrupt the effect of the fluoride. LOL. I love this tip.

Sitting at the ice cream shop this afternoon I am savoring the fact that this tradition has continued. Fries and Ice Cream post dentist is something that my kids will love and remember the way that my sister and I do.

I love traditions.... especially the small, senseless ones that are only ours.

What traditions do you hold dear?

What traditions have been passed from one generation to the next?

Which traditions are new & are just being formed?

I love traditions.....

XO,

Mari

The Coaching Skeptic

This afternoon I was chatting with a potential client... doing a little Q&A session. She has never had a coach and I could hear the hesitation in her voice. So many questions...

What if I don't make progress?

What if I don't take it seriously enough?

Do I really have the time?

Is it worth the investment?

I answered her questions with... you know....questions?

What if I don't make progress?

.....what would it look like if you did make progress?

     .......like really imagine it. Imagine a life designed, ON PURPOSE.

What if I don't take it seriously enough?

.... what would coaching have to give you to be taken seriously?

     .......imagine if you DID take it seriously, imagine giving it your 100%, imagine true commitment....with an Accountability Partner.

Do I really have the time?

.... look at your schedule, do you have an hour a week to dedicate toward self care & growth?

     ......imagine putting yourself first, for once, imagine that GIFT.

Is it worth the investment

..... hell yeah!! (okay so I answered that one)

I actually LOVE chatting it up with a skeptic because I was one myself.... six years ago when I started with my coach I had ALL the same questions.

....and then I made progress

I realized that I had been living my life in a sort of Groundhog's Day routine. I was more focused on financial success than family. I was trading in my own values and personal vision for awards and money. Slowly, with the help of my coach I made progress. I began to slow down. I became grateful for what I ALREADY had. I started Living on Purpose.

.....and then I started to take it seriously
It became apparent that my true purpose and passion is in coaching. I become alive while coaching. Time slows down and speeds up while coaching. So I started my coaching business.

.....and then I made the time

I began to set aside time for personal growth. I began to learn who I really am (not just the mom, spouse, sister, daughter) but ME. I made the time for me. Becoming the best version of myself became a priority.

.....and I made the investment.

XO,

Mari

Are We Having Fun Yet?

As the coach of Ea's 5th grade basketball team I sometimes feel like the 'fun police'.

At practice the other day I found my patience slowly evaporating. The girls were giggling and joking around as I was attempting to show them how to perfectly master an inbound play. (super important...NOT) They were more concerned about whether we should name the play 'banana' or 'monkey'.....I was annoyed! Remember, this is school ball... you know, when everyone gets equal playing time and we barely keep score. (which in itself is torture  for my competitive self).

As the teams attention span slowly dwindled my frustration was mounting..... why can't these girls just LISTEN?!?!

Queue Mari, the 'Fun Police'

Ea quickly put me in my place, 'Mom, chill out. We are just having FUN'.

Oh Snap.......

.......to many times we take ourselves and our goals too seriously

.......to many times we take the FUN out of our lives

.......to many times we 'adult' too hard

What if we allowed ourselves to have more fun?

I believe the more fun we have the quicker we will achieve our goals.

I believe the more fun we have the happier we will be (duh)

I believe the more fun we have the less we will actually have to 'try'

What goals you are currently striving to achieve. .....weight loss, earn more money, more connection with a partner?

Now think about how you can add MORE FUN into the activities that will propel you towards your goal..... and do THAT!

Get out there and have FUN today .

XO,

Mari

It is okay for me to be TRUE

So you know how my 2017 Word is True..... well..... this week I pushed the limits a bit (for me anyway).

Every Thursday at 10am I see my therapist for a number of reasons. Each time I make the :30 minute commute I drive through a little coffee stand to get my vanilla latte right before I am expected in his office.  The baristas at this coffee stand are wonderful and they always ask me what I have going on for the day... and every time I tell them a ''version of the truth'.....a LIE. A small lie, but a lie all the same. I say, oh I am meeting a friend or I have an appointment or that I am headed out for a walk.

...but not this week

This week when the barista asked me what I was doing I told the truth. I said, "I am meeting my therapist". They both looked genuinely confused, "What is that?" they ask.  I tell them that it is a place and time where I get to talk to someone who I trust about the hard and ugly and happy and beautiful of my life... you know a place where I work things out.

Honestly, I was ready for a twenty year old eye roll.... but what I got.... was so tender. She said, "Oh I think I could use some of that."

We laughed and wished each other a great day and I thought... wow, it is actually okay for me to show up as myself?

Is it okay to be TRUE?

Is it okay to not try to impress?

Is it okay to be honest?

Is it okay to be vulnerable?

......YES

I learned that it is okay for me to continue showing up... just the way I am.

That what I bring is enough.

That it is actually more than enough...... it is living on purpose.

You are Enough.

XO,

Mari

....on slowing down

When I started my first business, nine years ago, my goal was to make tons of money, be on the top of all the reports and become the best of the best....     

     .....great goals, right?

Those goals seemed to serve me well as a 'starving' agent just trying to get by..... and then slowing and suddenly they stopped serving me.

• I cared more about how much money I was making and less about family time
• I cared more about being the top agent in the area and less about my own self care
• I cared more about what everyone else thought of me than how I thought of myself

Recently, over the past two years, my goals have changed, have grown, have almost done a 180 of sorts.....

     .....now I want to employ the best team to provide the BEST service for my current clients

     .....now I am spending more time with the hubs and littles
     .....now I am working on myself, my personal growth and self-care

     .....I am slowing down

and it has been interesting

It is interesting to see what happens when you slow down. When you savor the moment. When you marinate in the conversation. When you are grateful for the little things, the day to dayness of our beautiful lives.

I find myself smiling, grateful and happy in the smallest of moments of my life... and I am LOVING it.

Smiling while.....

• putting the kids on the bus AND watching them get off
• reading to the family
• making lunches... slowly, with (unhelpful) help from Xavier
• watching an intense snowball fight
• listening to the kids scream and cheer while playing COD
• morning hugs
• tasting the coffee

Slow down and enjoy the little things in life. They are fleeting and brief. Soak them up and LOVE them.

XO,

Mari

"Present-over-Perfect" by Shauna Niequist

This BOOK........... this DAMN (good) book........

This morning is the same as yesterday and the day before that.....Shauna is speaking to ME through the words of her book. (is it okay to call an author by their first name? I really feel like we are sole sisters.... really).

Today she writes, "I don't want to miss the actual fabric of the interior of my life and the beautiful children growing up right this second in my own home because I'm working so hard to please people out there. I'm afraid I'm missing it. I'm afraid I'm doing it wrong, and I want to know that I can change."

....'to please people out there'.......... well shit, this is me in a nutshell

      ..........who am I really pleasing if not myself and the ones I love the most?

This past week has been a rough one in this area... I was/am really wanting to show up and please 'people'.... out there.

Sometime I feel like I become a chameleon, you know, showing up exactly how the person in front of me needs me to show up at that time. I don't want to b a chameleon any more... and becoming TRUE to myself is SO hard and NEEDED.

I choose TRUE to be my 2017 Word of the YEAR.

     .....and honestly I thought it would be pretty easy

Boy was I wrong......

     .....being TRUE is hard work

          .......and necessary

               ........and beautiful

So, what am I doing to be more TRUE?

• I am practicing Meditation... I'm up to about 6 minutes a day!
  • the app The Meditation Studio by Gaiam is a good one

• I am practicing being Present... you know in the real moment
  • Stop doing the dishes as Xavier tells me about his day
  • Reading 'Tattoos on the Heart' out loud to all the kids at night
  • Taking Ea to yoga with me
  • Making (and holding) eye contact with a friend during a conversation
  • Not taking any ear buds with me on my walk or run
  • Turning the radio off as I watch Ea's soccer game from the car... it was raining, don't judge

• I am reading this DAMN book... and others like it for tips (and reminders that I am not alone)

• I am working with a coach and a therapist to slow down and to help me FEEL.... actually feel

• I am practicing being gentle with myself

I am #livingonpurpose

XO,

Mari

my bull sh*t excuses for not starting a blog....and getting over them

So I have totally and completely been putting off BLOGGING....I kept telling myself that I didn't know 'why' I was putting it off....

     ...........then I got real with myself

          ............did some 'Self-Coaching'

               ...........and got freaking started!!!

Here are the reasons I came up with for putting this off:

1. Fear:

• Would people like me
• Would I have anything to say
• How would I handle any 'haters'
• What if it wasn't 'successful'

2. Knowledge:

• I don't know how
• My website isn't done
• I don't have nice/fancy pictures to attach
• What platform do I use

3. Logistics:

• How often do I post
• How long are my posts
• Do I do video-blogs or just writing
• How long will this take me
• How will I find my 'voice'

4. Procrastination

• I will start when my website launches
• I will make it a resolution in 2017
• Once I get XX followers on Instagram will start the blog

Blah Freaking' Blah....

My Self-Coaching Plan:

1. Brain Dump - get all of this out on paper (done)

2. Tackle each of these issues one at a time

• Ask probing questions like why it matters if 'people' like me..... my tribe is out there waiting for me to find them (FEAR)
• Who do I know who may have the answers to the questions that are holding me back (KNOWLEDGE)
• Got my calendar out and scheduled a 'test month' of blogging to find your favorite length, type and voice (LOGISTICS)
• Ask, why I was setting up these roadblocks for yourself? (PROCRASTINATION)

3. When a client (or myself) answers ANY of my probing questions with the answer, 'I don't know'. I ask them.........    

             ...............if you DID know, what would the answer be?

So I took my own advice, worked through all my excuses and am getting after this blog thing.

What nagging task have you been putting off due to fear, lack of knowledge, logistical issues or procrastination?

Do a little Self-Coaching and get after it!!

XO,

Mari

Act the Way You Want to Feel

I don't want to RUN.

I don't want to RUN.

I don't want to RUN.

I want to RUN.

I will RUN.

I am currently sitting here in my super cozy office. Comfy lounge clothes on. Sipping my hot coffee. doTerra and candles making the room all Hygge.

(get the idea)

My mind is telling me that the last thing I want to do it get myself up, squeeze into the sports bra, lace up the sneaks and hit the pavement for a RUN. (slow trot)

Why though?

 The truth is I do want to run.

I love the way I feel during my RUNS.... strong, healthy, enjoying nature, soaking up my surroundings.

I love the way I feel after my RUNS..... accomplished, committed, powerful, energized.

So, where is the rub? Why do we tell ourselves that we don't want to do the things that make us feel SO good?

I heard or read somewhere that we should "Act the Way We Want to Feel" and it really stuck with me. This mantra gets me off my couch and into the sports bra and out the door.

Act the Way YOU Want to Feel

What do you want most in your life..... can you think of ways that you can ACT out the FEELING?

Want to feel healthy....

      .....make dinner at home instead of going out.

Want to feel more connected to your partner......

     ......give them a long hug or hold their hand in the car.

Want to feel more productive....

    ......tackle your hardest task first thing in the morning.

Get your Acting on!!!

XO,

Mari

You May Be Setting Your 'Goals' All Wrong

It dawned on me a few months ago that I had been setting my New Years Goals all wrong....

....I had been setting Achievement Goals. You know the ones that you hit and then move on with life and forget why you set that goal in the first place.

A great example an Achievement Goals is my 2015 goal of running (or slow trotting) a Half Marathon. Great goal with LOTS of problem-o's.

First, I didn't set up a Due Date... all I had to do was run 13.1 miles at SOME point in the year.

      Guess when I ran my Half Marathon.... you guessed it, IN DECEMBER!!!!!!!!!!! (my procrastination was on point)

Secondly, I didn't have a follow-up goal to ensure that I continued 'trotting' in some Way Shape or Form.

     I, legit, didn't RUN again until June the following year. YIKES!!!

So I decided that going forward I would not set 'Achievement Goals'.....I would set my goals as Lifestyle, habit forming, Goals.

Try it!!!

instead of Lose 25 Pounds this year............

     ...............try 'Maintain a Healthy Weight Range of 142 - 150......

instead of Run a Half Marathon............

     ..............try 'Move my Body FIVE times per week for at Least :30 minutes (how creative can I get).............

instead of Fall Back in Love with My Job..........

     ..............try 'Explore the reasons why I love my occupation and work to spend more time doing those tasks............

This year I am taking my Lifestyle Goals slow and steady, Month by Month.

My January Lifestyle Goals are Sips, Steps and Smoothies:

• 64oz of water daily
• green smoothie breakfast
• 10k steps/day

The idea.... to carry these baby goals over monthly and add more as the year goes on.

XO,

Mari