Get Real

About a month ago I was out to dinner and ran into a girlfriend. We shared a quick hug and a few words to catch up...the encounter lasted about 4 minutes. Later in the evening I received this text. 

This text meant so much to me...basically an acknowledgment of all the inner work that I have been doing. 

If you know me, even a little, you know that things like vulnerability, authenticity and transparency are WAY hard...they are hard for most. I find that putting up a strong façade is so much easier. I find that playing ‘tough’ is my go-to coping tactic. It’s easier. 

My 'inner' work is starting to pay off...slowly. The reading, journaling, coaching, therapy, laughs and tears are taking effect.

So, how do we become more authentic, more 'REAL'?

Here a few suggestions that have worked for me:

1. Get clear on your values: when things get tough or uncomfortable you can use your values to guide your actions

2. What are your goals: journal out what is most important to YOU and why achieving this goal is a priority

3. 'I am enough': use this mantra or affirmation when you start to compare yourself to anyone else

Thank you sweet friend for sending me this text...one of the best gifts I have been given. 

XO,

Mari

P.S. If you would like to dig a little deeper into your Values & Goals please schedule a FREE 'Reality Check' here: https://mw-coach-realitycheck.youcanbook.me

Reality Check

I went on a girls trip recently and drank wine, laid by the pool, laughed, relaxed and did all the things that a girls trip is about. It was amazing.

As I was driving home I had the fleeting thought, 'Damn, I'm Headed back to Reality'. It wasn't a positive thought, which annoyed me. Why would I be bummed about going back to my 'normal' and 'routine' life? I knew instantly that this thought was not my truth....  I have just been trained to have these negative thoughts. Years of seeing these kinds of thoughts posted on social media. Thoughts of being sad when a vacation is over... instead of appreciating the vacation AND appreciating the life we head back to. Thoughts of the Monday Blues... instead of appreciating and loving our work.

Even though I let the thought get to me, I quickly dismissed it because it was not my REALITY. I love every (well mostly) aspect of my life... honestly, I do! I love all of my realities. The reality of work-ing. The reality of mom-ing. The reality of wife-ing. The reality of adult-ing. The reality of vacation-ing. ALL OF IT!

Our reality is NOW... like, whatever we are currently doing. Me writing this post, that is my reality!

What you choose to do is your reality.

Do you love your current reality?

If not, let's chat!

•  I love deep conversations where we uncover areas of life that could use some attention.
•  We develop a plan.
•  I hold you accountable
•  and turn your reality into one that you completely ENJOY.

Schedule a free 'Reality Check' here: https://mw-coach-realitycheck.youcanbook.me/

XO,

Mari

Check Your Priorities

Journaling has become a priority for me, a daily non-negotiable. I write about all sorts of things: my day, my goals, my affirmations, my feelings... it's all in there. Rarely a day goes by where I don't jot down a few thoughts. If I find that if I have avoided my journal it is usually a sign that something is 'off' and I always feel better getting back after it.

By making writing a priority it has become a habit. Something that, even when busy, I find the time to make it happen. Like yesterday, I woke up late and skipped my morning routine. So, I hustled over to yoga and got my journaling done before the class started.

What are your priorities? What are your non-negotiables? What do you place importance on?

I think it is so easy to get our priorities mixed up....

...like making work more important than family

      ...like making material things more important than experiences

          ...like sleeping in more important than your morning routine (just me)

As our lives just keep getting busier and busier I find that we must be extremely intentional with our priorities.

...like making time for date nights.

...like making time for family.

...like making time for good friends.

...like making time for exercise.

...like making time for growth.

...like making time prayer.

...like making time for laughter and play.

What are your priorities today?

XO,

Mari

I am a story person.

As I sit here and write my Bio for the next live event I have come to the realization:  

I am not a Bio Person....I am a story person

This is what my bio says... word-for-word, "A bit about me... went to college, dropped out, had a kid, bought the house, married the man, started business, had more kids, started another business, living the dream." 

That is my BIO... that in NOT my story. Those are my credentials.... they are not the experiences. My credentials don't define me, the actual experiences behind them do.

I am proud of myself and all that I have accomplished and yet to accomplish.... but it isn't the words that give me All the Feels.

I can say, 'I am a mom' (bio)

...but it is the stories behind the laughs and hugs and tears and heartache that make me a MOTHER. (stories)

I can say, 'I am a college drop out' (bio)

...but it is all the books read, podcasts listened to and real life experiences that have EDUCATED me. (stories)

I can say, 'I started my first business at 26' (bio)

...but it is all of late nights at the office, employees fired or quit, financial fears and awards earned that make me an ENTREPRENEUR. (stories)

I can say, 'I bought my first house by myself at 23' (bio)

...but it was working 9 - 5 during the day, bartending at nights and pinching pennies that made me an INVESTOR. (stories)

I can say, 'I am a wife' (bio)

...but it is all of the hard conversations, raw arguments and true vulnerability that has made me a LIFE PARTNER. (stories) 

I can say, 'I am living the dream' (bio)

...but it is my day to day choices that keeps the smile on my face. (stories)

My stories are what make me who I am. My struggles are what define me. My successes have shaped me.

My bio is just a product of all the stories....I love the stories.  I am not a Bio Person. I am a story person.

Good Old Days

Last weekend we took the family to eastern Washington for a basketball tournament for Aiden. Tom went to college in the town where we were staying and took me out on a bar crawl... showing me his old stopping ground and reminiscing about his college years.

At the last bar that we went to we were served by the cutest little bartender... she had long blonde hair, sweet face, rocking body and was super kind. She was about 23 and a student at the college. We chatted it up a bit. She asked about our marriage (13 years) she asked if we had babies (3) she asked what we did (coach and pilot) and with each one of our responses she visibly deflated. She looked at us longingly and said, 'You guys are so lucky. I can't wait until I am married and have babies'.

Okay sister....slow your roll. You have plenty of time for all that.... you should be enjoying the NOW.

I went into 'coach/mom' mode and ask her if she had heard the Maclemore song, 'Good Old Days'... she said she had.

I said, 'Sister these are your Good Old Days... and these are MY Good Old Days. Literally right NOW!'

"Maybe these are the moments

Maybe I've been missing what it's about

Been scared of the future, thinking about the past

While missing out on the NOW" - Maclemore

'Girl, don't miss out on the now... every now from here on out. These are the moments.

Your now is different than my now and that is okay. In fact, your now will never be my now. We are different and that makes us perfectly unique.

The key is to be grateful for what you have and where you are at.

To lean into the now.

To make it the best that you possibly can.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Let's cherish the Now.'

Girl, You Jealous

Girl, you jealous! We all are at times.... the key is to LISTEN!!

There is a cute little chick in town who runs around all summer with a paddle board strapped to the top of her cute little car. She posts all sorts of amazing paddle boarding pictures, she is obviously happy and is also fit as f*ck. Let's just say that every time I see this cute little car and this cute little chick I get a teeny bit jealous.

I want to paddle board all summer. I want to take advantage of the beautiful weather and amazing area that I live in. I want a hobby that is both fun and physical.

I want...

    I want...

          I want...

So, today I called her. I asked her all the questions. I got all the information. Guess what....I am buying a damn paddle board!

When I feel myself starting to get jealous of a person or a situation I listen up. When I start wanting more (or less) I take note. It is usually a good indicator that something is off and that its time to make a change.

Most of the time it is something simple....like buying a paddle board. Other times it is HARD....

Like going to counseling because I wanted a life free of anxiety.

Like hosting dinner parties because I wanted connection.

Like firing a long time team member because I wanted trust.

Like moving my kids out of private school because I wanted them to experience diversity.

Like exploring different churches because I wanted belonging.

I want...

     I want...

          I want...

               ... therefore I go get it!!

What do you want and what will it take to go get it?

Listen to the jealousy and use it to inspire some action sister.

XO,

Mari

Blind Yoga

Did you know that there is such a thing as a Silent Rave? AND that it is the best thing ever.

Here's how it works... you rent a pair of headphones that have 2 or more channel settings. There are a few DJs mixing different types of music that connect to the different channels. You choose your station, you choose your volume and you rock out. (P.S. Now that I am old the volume option is everything).

This morning I attempted Blind Yoga... let me explain. I am blind. Maybe not clinically blind but my prescription run -4.0 and -5.0 which is pretty damn bad. Also, since my eyes are overly sensitive I wear daily contacts. And since I am a master procrastinator I have run out of my dailies and have been rocking my UBER THICK glasses while I wait for my refill.

I am not about to let some silly glasses hold me back from anything, especially my yoga. This morning I was feeling pretty good about my decision to go... until... downward dog. My glasses keep sliding up my forehead, a total pain in the ass. I threw them to the side and continued yoga pretty much blind. Everyone, including myself, took on a soft fuzzy look that only my near sighted friends will appreciate.

Let me tell you.... blind yoga is legit. I may just never wear my contacts to yoga again.

I was literally unable to see myself in the mirror. My ability to judge my poor form against everyone else's perfect poses was taken away. I couldn't see that my yoga pants accentuate my tummy rolls or how my under arms are not as firm as the tight ass next to me. I know, I know.... I can hear you now, telling me that I should be all Namaste and Zen in there. That I shouldn't be thinking these things... and I try!! Most of the time I can silence the inner critic but sometimes that bitch just won't shut up. I mean really, the mirrors, the lighting, the tight clothes!!

Blind Yoga was refreshing. All I was focused on was myself, my movements and my mind (which was surprisingly quiet).

The meaning of all this?

Where in your life do you need to go blind...

Where does your inner critic start chatting...

Where do you start to judge yourself...

Where does comparison run rampant...

In these places and scenarios can you start to go blind? Can you focus on you and only you? What would it take?

XO,

Mari

Tried & True

Why do we insist on making things harder than they really need to be?

...I am SO guilty of this.

My goal is 8k steps per day: I used to come up with a super complex schedule in order to hit the goal. Let's be real, with 3 kids, the agenda was never going to work and my steps never happened.

...Now I just commit to squeezing in  a  brisk walk or run each day. Tried & True.

My goal is to lose some lbs. I have tried every challenge, enrolled in every diet and ordered each cleanse that was ever invented.

... Now I just focus on calories in vs. calories out. Tried and True.

Tried and True Works!

Yesterday I was doing an IG story and Ea, my 12 year old daughter reminded me of this basic concept. She video-bombed my story (this is a thing) so I asked her {live} if she had any 'Words of Wisdom' to share. Specifically, how she got herself pumped up before a big soccer game. (she is the biggest bad-ass 12 year old of ANY sport)

Her answer was simple. She said, "I WARM UP".

Tried & True.

What are you overcomplicating?

... could you make a little forward progress by getting back to basics?

What goal or project are you hesitating to start because of how complex you have made it?

... could you use some old Tried and True methods to get after it?

Let me know in the comments!

XO,

Mari

Why I hate Before & After Pics

So...I hate (strongly dislike) before and after pictures. I am sure the main reason is some deeply held trauma that only therapy could solve.... but today I am only thinking of ONE reason.

I feel like I am always in a state of growth, always searching for the next upgrade, the next idea, the next goal, the next dream...I am always in progress. I don't believe that there will ever be a day that I sit back and think...I am in the AFTER. This is it. I'm done. I made it..

I will always want more...

Okay, I lied...I have TWO reasons why I hate before and after pictures...

I also believe that we are perfect and enough just the way we are. This may seem like a total flip from what I said above... just hear me out.

We can be enough AND still be going after dreams. We can be perfect just the way we are AND have an amazing imagination; always looking for the next upgrade. We can be totally grateful for our current life AND have goals and dreams.

It is not and either/or for me.... I am not in the Before or in the After. I am In PROGRESS!!

Always in progress.

XO,

Mari

New York Inspo

I just got home from a quick trip to New York... one of the perks of being married to a pilot! After walking the endless miles and seeing the endless sights I am exhausted, my muscles are aching and surprisingly....I am totally motivated and full of inspiration.

It was a trip I didn't realize I needed.

You see, I have been taking it pretty easy so far this year. I have been doing some 'things' and I don't want to discredit them... it just hasn't felt like much.

I think I realized why....

I have been putting my time and precious energy into the WRONG things, the easier things...

In New York I was surrounded by people who are going after their BIG, SCARY & CRAZY dreams. Here are a few of the people who gave me some NY inspo....

1. Jimmy Buffett - this guy! He was my first mentor, the real OG. This guy has been doing EXACTLY what he loves and living his live EXACTLY by his terms since before I was born. He 71 years old and just launched his show on Broadway!! He is STILL kicking ass.... Jimmy continues to show me that I can have fun and make an amazing living.... lifestyle design to the max!

**Jimmy is the real reason I flew to New York, don't tell Tom

2. Rachel Hollis - I am embarrassed to admit that I have just discovered this amazing woman. Here is what I have learned about Rach so far.... through hard work and perseverance she has created the life that she wants and is living her dream .... AND she does it in a super real, messy, amazing way. Just like ME/US.

**Rachel happened to be in NY as well... she posted on her IG story that she was in the Amazon bookstore right across the street from me, just 2 hours prior. I ran across the street to snag her latest book, 'Girl, Wash Your Face'.... and the copy that I have is signed. The book is AMAZ!!!

3. Broadway Peeps - Tom and I went to Jimmy's show, 'Escape to Margarittaville' the last night I was there. It was epic. What inspired me, were the amazing actors on stage. These people ranged in age from 20 - 70 and are obviously doing the work that they have chosen to do AND love. They were happy and excited and pulsing with energy....I could FEEL it!!! I want to live that way. That is how I want to feel doing MY work.

We all have BIG, SCARY & CRAZY dreams... dreams that are no bigger or crazier than the ones I listed above. AND if I am to realize MY dreams it is critical for me to make them a priority... like NOW.

So, I am choosing two areas of my life to 'Level Up'... My Health and My Writing. It may sound simple, and it is to many, but for me these are my challenges. By leveling up in these two areas I will kick start other areas in my Level Up game. (check out my IG to watch the journey)

What's an area that you could Level Up and begin to create YOUR best life... the one of YOUR dreams?

XO,

Mari

Be All There...

I have been super frustrated with myself lately.... feeling like I can only focus on ONE thing at a time... my normally 'multi-tasked' mind seemed absolutely unable to function 'normally'.

This year I have taken on more projects, more speaking engagements, more coaching clients, more commitments with the kids, booked more vacations... basically, just doing more of everything. Normally I am able to focus on a few big ticket items at the same time, spreading my mind space between them all equally and simultaneously. In the past this has felt good, like I was getting it all done at the same time... master multi-tasker over here!

...and I have always felt nervous about all that I have commit to

...and I have had anxiety too frequently

...and I have felt like I still wasn't getting to it 'all'

Recently my mind seems stuck on ONE thing at a time.... and this felt different, ineffective and plain BAD. I was expressing my frustration surrounding this to my therapist and I had a major break-through.... one of those Ah-Ha moments that you never forget.....

(back story) So, I have had THREE speaking engagements already this year and I was telling him how it has been so annoying that I had to see the completion of ONE before I could start working on the next. I wanted to start planning and prepping for the next speech NOW... but it was like my mind and body just absolutely could NOT handle this. So, I just started to go with this NEW flow. A flow of focusing on ONE major project at a time... and this happened organically.

...I would give all of my attention to this ONE commitment

      ...I would see this commitment through to ultimate completion

          ...I would take a day or two to analyze how I had done

               ...I would THEN and only THEN start working on my next project

The reason that this new flow felt so different is because I have NEVER ever worked this way, it was entirely NEW.

Now, don't get me wrong...I still handle a ton of commitments during the day to day..... I am talking specifically about Big Ticket Projects.

So, last week, I was sitting with my therapist who asked...' Okay, I think I understand that. How do you FEEL?'

How did I feel? I sat back in the super cush couch and actually thought about it.

How did I FEEL to focus, really focus, on ONE thing?

How did I FEEL to give one project my total ALL?

How did I FEEL to trust that I would get to the next project in time?

How did I FEEL to be PRESENT?

I answered, "I feel good. Like, really good. I feel calm and less overwhelmed. I haven't had anxiety. I feel focused".

I realized then, that I have been more focused and present in ALL areas of my life....If being present means less stress and anxiety then I am ALL IN!! (Ah-Ha Moment!!)

Maybe this is what Jim Elliott meant when he said, "Wherever You Are Be All There".....

No longer will I allow myself to feel guilty or frustrated when I focus on one thing at a time....I will be present and enjoy the Here and Now.

XO,

Mari

Success Defined

I went on a little run this and listened to an amazing Podcast....AND (bonus) there is a Part II that I will save for tomorrow!

The podcast I tuned into was Oprah's Super Soul Conversations (12/19/17) with Shawn Achor. Shawn is Harvard trained Happiness Researcher, bestselling author, corporate speaker and is set on changing the definition of happiness. He says that modern success does NOT equal happiness; and either does quick hit pleasure..... he suggest that we come up with our OWN definition of success and of happiness...

A few years ago I was on top of my game in the insurance business.

... I was earning the trips

... making the money

... getting all the awards

      ... and I wasn't HAPPY

I was successful, by everyone else's standards... except MY OWN.

Over the past two years I have been working to redefine what success mean to me.

~ Success mean freedom to dictate how I spend my time

~ Success means frequent vacations with family and friends

~ Success means slow and meaningful conversations with those I love

~ Success means date nights and connection with Tom the Bomb

~ Success means not having to check my bank account before checking out at Costco

~ Success is attending ALL the kids' basketball and soccer games

~ Success is something I have created for myself, not someone else's standard that I have lived up to.

As I focus more on what I love to do (coach and gather women) and not what I am 'supposed' to do (sell insurance) I have found that happiness has followed.  

What does SUCCESS mean for YOU?

XO,

Mari

Baby Goals

So, we have 18 days (maybe more like 17.5) left in 2017. This is usually the time when we reflect over the past year....then quickly move on and set goals for the New Year.... and maybe, just maybe, you are setting the EXACT SAME GOALS.

Has this ever happens to you....you set your goals, you are all sorts of motivated.... then shit gets in the way. You casually move your goals to the side and get on with your life.... we always have next year, right?

Wrong!

I would challenge you to slow down a minute.... we still have time in 2017!!

      ...I would challenge you to break out the goals that you set for yourself this year... really look at them

          ...I would challenge you to look at ONE that you didn't hit and see if it still has meaning for you

               ...if it DOESN'T then Let It GO!!!

                    ...if it DOES set some baby goals

The reality is, you may not be able to hit the goal 100% in 18 days... and that is okay. However, you could very easily set the wheels in motion to hit 2018 with tons of momentum by setting and hitting a few baby goals.

For Example: My 2017 goal was to get back into running and to finish my 3rd Half Marathon.... then I gently pushed this goal to the side, because, Master Procrastinator over here. In May I broke, well actually shattered, a very important bone in my foot. I was in a cast, then a boot, then orthotics... it has NOT been fun. Just last week my Dr. gave me permission to start running again, however, he made me promise to start slow. He said I could start by running HALF a MILE... then, if I felt okay, I could increase it by 10% each day.

My goal of running the Half Marathon was literally shattered and there is ZERO chance of me hitting this goal in 2017. That does NOT mean that I can't start with baby steps, baby goals to finish out this year.

Yesterday I ran half a mile, today I ran .60 miles and tomorrow will be a little bit more. I am building momentum each day.... momentum that will propel me into 2018 with confidence and excitement.

Baby Goals.

Small Accomplishment.

Big Momentum.

XO,

Mari

What do YOU want for Christmas?

Tis the season of gift giving... which I totally and completely love!

I love giving gifts...

      ...I love watching the recipient's face light up...    

          ...I love spreading joy and happiness...

So, when was the last time you considered what YOU want for Christmas?

Last year everyone in my family got what they asked for...everyone except me (boo hoo)...and actually this is not on the hubs or the kids... this is on ME.

This is on ME because I never really considered what I actually wanted.... so this year I have made my list and I urge you to do the same.

What are you totally CRAVING in your life right now?

...is it that super cozy sweater that keeps popping up on your Facebook feed

     ...or those wedge Sorel boots that are seriously the cutest ever...EVER

         ...is it a date night with your 'person' at a new, fun, fancy local joint

               ...is it 'That Vacation' that you have always dreamed about... and always put off

                    ...is it new bath salts and re-reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' (probs need to add to my list)

What if I told you that it is okay to get YOURSELF this gift.... yep, you heard me right!

I truly believe that when we take care of ourselves and put yourself first we actually SHOW UP for others in a better way.

I dare you love on yourself this holiday season. Get yourself that gift. Plan that experience. Book the vacation.

...then tell me all about it.

XO,

Mari

Let's Build Each Other Up

My next Living on Purpose dinner party is fast approaching.... as I sit down to plan my content I start by reflecting on how the last dinner went.

All my dinners are amazing (and yes I like to keep my modesty in check ;) however at the last one something funky happened..

I found out that of the attendees was super skeptical and made some 'not so nice' comments to the ladies next to her about the content and vulnerability of the other peeps in the room.... uh say what?!

I feel like I am pretty damn clear about what my dinners are all about:

.... gathering kick ass women

     .... sharing good wine and food

          .... having inspiring and uplifting conversation         

               .... empowering each other to go after the life we want

So, why in the hell would someone sit there knocking the other women in the room. I just don't get it.... putting other people down does NOT make you cool.

.... it makes you look weak

    .... it makes you look sad

         .... it makes you look insecure

As I have said before, we need to stick together. We have SO many other people and circumstances tearing us down as strong women... why do it to each other!

Lets build each other up.

Let's support each others' ideas.

Let's be there for each other in the hard times.

Let's be proud of each other.

Let's sing each others' praises.

Let's start today.....

I DARE you to start today... do something to put a smile on another bad ass lady's face today...

• Give her props on a job well done
• Tell her that she inspired you to....
• Reach out and say Thank You

I DARE YOU!

XO,

Mari

Slower is Harder

Yoga this morning was slowwwwwwwww......

We moved in and out of plank to downward dog at a snails pace, repeatedly.

We stayed in our warrior series for what seemed like forever!

We took 'one more breath' in boat pose like 50 times....

....and my muscles were screaming.

When Jill ( my fav yoga instructor) said, 'Slow is Hard', a light bulb went on.... slow IS hard, slow is fucking hard!!

Slower is Harder in yoga and in life.

When was the last time you....

...went on a slow walk

...had a slow conversation

...had a slow morning

...had a slow work day

...had a slow meditation

...had slow sex

....life seems to be all about the hustle and not about the slow

     .....about running from one task to the next with no pause

         .....we run ourselves so ragged that there is no time to settle into the moment

               ......the beautiful moments that are all around us.

Just like the benefits we get from slowing down in yoga, I believe we can reap those same benefits off the mat. When we slow down in yoga our muscles shaken, when we slow down in life our mind will go nuts... be prepared. Slow is Hard.

Here are some quick tips to help you slow down.

• Take baby steps - When you notice something beautiful pause, that's a win! 
• Buddy System - Tell someone that you are working on being more present. The accountability will help keep you focused.
• Plan It - Schedule time to meditate, walk, journal, yoga. If it's not on our (super busy) calendar is it bound to get overlooked. 
• Be Kind - this won't be easy, so be kind to yourself. Give yourself props when you are able to slow down and stay present... don't beat yourself up when you find yourself getting off track.

Would love to hear how you slow your roll every once and awhile... let me know!

XO,

Mari

Mental Health Day....

So a few months ago I had one of those days.....you know when things seem to go from bad to worse ....multiple times....I woke up late, only spoke with super cranky clients and then had another momma make passive aggressive comments about some (volunteer) work I had done. Ugh!

The last one rocked me.

I am all for women building each other up. We have enough people and circumstances trying to tear us down. I was sad and my feelings were hurt. 

I decided to take the next day as a Mental Health Day....a much needed day of rest and recovery.

Here is what my day looked like.....

First, I decided that there were a few words that would be eliminated from the day entirely. The BANNED words of the day were:

• I must
• I have to
• I should

This mental health would be about listening to my body and honoring my feelings....NOT about putting pressure on myself.

Then, I took the day nice and slow....

• I sipped my coffee in front of the fireplace.
• I started a new book (pleasure, not self-helpy).
• I took a nap.
• I wrote in my journal.
• I took a bubbly bath and read some more.
• I took another nap.
• I stood outside and waited for the kids to get off the bus.
• I curled back up on the couch and we all read.
• I ordered dinner to be delivered.
• I went to bed early.

Nothing crazy, nothing new, nothing mind-blowing, I didn't even leave the house....I just let myself chill.

When was the last time you have taken a Mental Health Day... or even just a moment to let yourself chill. If you can't take an entire day, what about just a Mental Health Minute. 

I would encourage you to put yourself first this week and take time for yourself. Your body and soul will thank you.

XO,

Mari

'Eff' the Electronics

So yesterday I about came unglued on ALL the kids and their cute little noses pushed into one electronic devise or another.

I had been with them since 4:00 running them to and from sports and we hadn't actually had any conversation. I knew nothing about their day. I poked and prodded, to no avail. I think I asked Aiden three times about football practice before I actually got a legit answer.

........this is how it looked:

Me: "Aiden, did you talk to your teacher in first period about not being at school on Friday?"

- PAUSE -

Aiden: (doesn't look up from his phone) "Uh, what?"

Me: "Does your teacher know that you won't be there on Friday?"

- PAUSE -

Aiden: (finishing a snap or text or whatever the eff he does on that thing) "Sorry, huh?"

Me: "SERIOUSLY?!?!"

OMG.... tell me I am not alone in this cell phone/electronic epidemic with my children

I have come to my breaking point....

     I REFUSE to just be my kids' chauffer and cook and nanny and housecleaner and nag....

          I want to be in it, in their lives.

               I want to know what they are up to.

                    I want to know how their day actually was.

                         ....and what Momma wants SHE gets!

The ONE thing (other than me being the most un-cool person in the world) standing between me and a relationship with my kids is the DAMN cell phone. So.....I instituted a 'Wuellner Electronics Policy'. (insert eye rolls from all)

Here is our policy and I would LOVE to hear what you would add to it!

No Phone Zones:

• Dinner
• Quick car rides
• Watching a sibling's sporting event
  • Half time = Okay
  • Picture or Video taking = Okay
• Homework
• Any other time when implemented by MOM

Bed Time Routine:

• No electronics :30 before bed

Morning Routine:

• No electronics until you are 100% ready for school

Safe Zones:

• Bathroom (gross, I know)
• Long car rides/Road trips

Cardinal Sins of the Cell:

• Use while talking to a waitress, barista, hostess or anyone in the service industry
• Not responding to a parent's text

We (obv) have other rules like no porn and keep your phone charged and don't buy crazy shit on iTunes.... but these are my basics. The ones that (hopefully) will re-engage conversation and relationship.

XO,

Mari

Mean Girl Culture

As parents we all  work hard to raise strong, confident and independent children. I feel like Tom and I do a pretty damn good job here. All three of our kids are unique in their own way. They have their own style and vibe... and they own it.

Also, as parents, the hurt that our children encounter hurt us 100x more. We feel it. We suffer with them. We feel their pain. We own their sadness. We wallow in their hurt. We get angry on their behalf. And if we could we would fix it all in a heartbeat.

Recently Miss Ea got dressed up for school... now to understand this you need to understand Ea's style. She rocks yoga pants and hoodies on the daily. Her kicks are either soccer cleats or Nike running shoes. Her hair is always in a messing bun. She owns her sporty style...... and some of the girls in her class were not going to let her step out of her style box.

Her class was having a recorder recital (we have been investing in ear plugs) and she had been practicing hard. Ea was super excited to show off her new skills so she decided to get dressed up for the event. She ditched her sporty look and dressed herself to the hilt. She wore her pretty Christmas dress, a fancy jacket and her new Uggs. (Christmas gift that she hasn't worn yet). She bounded out the door with her normal confidence in tow.

I got the call at 9:20...school had just started and she used the classroom phone at her first opportunity. The phone is in the front of the room so in quiet sobs she explains that she needed me to bring her a change of clothes... and FAST..... that some girls were giving her a hard time about dressing up for the recital.

....confidence evaporated in a moment.

Heart Breaking Parent Moment

We need to stop this mean girl culture.

We need to raise our daughters and sons to build each other up.

We need to instill values that embrace differences and respects them as well.

We need to do better.

I will do my part with my three....

XO,

Mari

Be All There

"Wherever you are, be all there" - Jim Elliot

My bff Carlina texted me the other day...we have both been traveling and so we are in desperate need of a besties our usual 'wine/FaceTime/gossip' hour. 

As we were text coordinating she said 'You look like you've been swamped'...and in typical Mari form I quickly respond, 'How so?' (half annoyed I must admit). She responded, 'Just with family, travel, new coaching series, weight watchers, foot, kids lol!' 

.....oh shit, I am swamped. 

This quote struck me because I read it at the exact moment I needed to....imagine this: After work yesterday I am sitting on my back deck enjoying a glass of cab. My kids are playing loudly in the pool just a few feet away. My sister and her kids are visiting as it is my parents last night in town. They live in Nevada and were up for a short visit. We are all enjoying the lazy afternoon sun, together. 

Unfortunately, in my swamp crazed mind, I was tucked away in my corner responding to emails and Facebook threads....and then this showed up....

"Wherever you are, be all there". 

Damn, that shit is good!!!! 

So, I put down my phone. Laughed and actually watched the kids flip into the pool. Chatted with the 'rents about writing a family history book (my dad writing a family history book)......and was all there. 

It felt good. It felt better. It felt right.